The one that got away.

The one that got away.

I have never told anyone this entire story. This means a lot to me, so if you read it, let me know. I need someones support more than ever. anyone.

I always see people posting pictures with quotes about people, love, heartbreak etc..

And while reading those quotes I always wonder who it is the poster is thinking about in that image.

This is why, for my reader sake, I’m going to talk about the one that got away.

Adam was an older man. I met him at work and had never really talked to him. As our summer jobs came to an end Adam threw a giant end of summer party for all the staff. After several drinks you could assume I was more than drunk. Long story short I woke up the next morning in the arms of a 25 year old guy who I barley knew the first name of. Little did I know Adam would soon become a huge part of my life.

I was 17 at the time and had only ever slept with one other guy. The only thing different than this time and loosing my virginity was the fact we didn’t use protection. I look older than my age so I give him the benefit of the doubt, he must have assumed I was on birth control. I know it was a bad decision but everyone makes mistakes, right? 

Adam, was a gentlemen about the situation and took me to the pharmacy to get the morning after pill and then drove me home. He hugged me goodbye and told me to call him if I needed anything. As his car drove away I assumed that would be the last time I would ever see Adam again.

2 days later Adam Facebook messages me and asks me on a date. Never having luck with guys my own age jumped at the chance to go out with an older guy. Of course I couldn’t tell my parents, he was 8.5 years older than me, no way would they approve. So on Friday I headed to “my best friends house”. Adam picked me up and we went back to his house to watch some movies. One thing led to another and we almost found ourselves in the same sitatuion as a few days ago. But I wanted to be mature and for once wasnt going to let my vajayjay make my relationship choices for me. We didnt do it, and surely enough he still asked me out again.

Jump ahead 7 months to February 2010 and me and Adam were better than ever. 

He has his own place and everyday was like my real life version of playing house like I did as a child. Some may say I dated adam fro the wong reasons. He had his own apartment, more money than any 18 year old guy I could date, a car and most of all he had 8 years of experience in bed. I wont deny I liked all of this about Adam but most importantly, Adam made me feel beautiful and loved. 

At the end of February Adam was taking me on a date night. This was the same night he first met my parents. He took me to a fancy restaurant where we talked about a big decision I was making. Which university to go to. He alwaysknew i’d go away to university but several  schools I was considering were within a managable distance. I told him Brock is my frst choice, an hour and a half away from out hometown. He obviously didnt want to impact my decision and didn’t arue it at all. 

As he pulled into my driveway he asked to talk. He told me that when I go away to university come september the relationship was done. Just like that he put an expiry date on his love. I resented adam for this and after crying all night I decided I had to end things now because knowing everyday was one day closer to breaking up would kill me. 

The hardest thing about ending things with Adam is that we both still loved eachother. I constantly ponder “what if he didnt say that?” or “why didnt he come after me when I left his car that night?” 

So its been 9 months since I broke up with Adam and here I am in my university dorm room thinking about him. I think about him everyday. Secretly I hope one day he will see this, but I know thats as likely as me getting the courage to show him this. and even that would be difficult as he alienated himself from me, moved from our town and has deleted me off any type of technological socializing utillity you can think of.

Adam is my one that got away. 

As much as I recognize it was me who broke up with him, and I was the one who drove him away; I still resent Adam for promising just a few weeks earlier on Valentines day, that he was going to be the one guy consistent in my life and not leave me like every other guy had. Then he left.